New Malden

For those of you suffering London Loves withdrawal symptoms...

2009-10-07T12:43:28Z

I've started up a new clubbing venture with Morgan and Sandy, a tiny Canadian with perfect hair. It's called Come Out 2Nite, named after the most perfect pop single by the most perfect pop band. It's at the Betsey Trotwood, which is in Farringdon...

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London Loves - 23rd May

2009-05-15T16:06:49Z

Hello all, I'm back from America, where I spent my time playing Mario Kart, drinking whiskey, and hiding from tornadoes in Indian Restaurants. But enough of that - who wants to come to London Loves? It's a one-off, a reunion, a memory, a reminde...

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Billy Jones Is Dead

2009-04-13T11:55:07Z

Martin works in Mark's and Spencers Sharon stocks up cash dispensers Mary married a man who hears Voices in his head Your mate Brian knocks down buildings Sean and Sally had six children I'm ensconced in academia And you, you're still in b...

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Ozymandias

2009-04-12T22:32:31Z

I met a traveller from an antique land Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand, Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command Tell that its sculpto...

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A night out in...

2008-07-25T16:13:04Z

The top of this blog lies - it's been lying for some time. I don't live in New Malden any more, haven't done so for a while now. This could go some way to explaining the lack of posts: how can I claim to be the foremost authority on all things New...

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We're doomed

2008-04-26T11:59:07Z

Guitar man - the David Gray meets James Blunt dickhead who lives in the upstairs flat - played his latest creations this morning. He didn’t start until 10am for a change, but with my late shifts that was far too early. Now I can’t see properly, ...

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Matty B's song about New Malden Wimpy (RIP)

2007-03-12T17:21:57Z

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The river

2007-03-09T20:22:39Z

Waist deep in the Thames on a Sunday morning She kissed all her friends goodbye and she rowed away Rain came down on Kingston, we stood silent She will reach the sea in a couple of days Will you keep the picture safe? We will keep the picture sa...

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Phrases I have over-used in the past week

2007-03-09T19:35:33Z

"It's a rich tapestry" "I'm living the dream" "It's all thanks to my Aryan immune system" "At least you're not universally hated like me" "It's merely a facade, hiding the face of hell. Or maybe the face of Bo" "I'm oblivious anyway" "At lea...

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Scattershot blunderbuss pieces of communication

2007-03-08T15:48:52Z

It is estimated that 62 billion emails are sent every single day. Of these, 40 billion of them are advertising fabulous penis pumping opportunities. Ten billion are about pyramid schemes, which never turn out to be about building pyramids; this is...

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